I empathize fully with what you describe. I was there. For us it was more than 5 years. And before that we had 2-3 year long "dry spells" during which I felt rejected and unloved and undesirable and angry and sad and miserable. Those breaks were between "conception sex" that produced the 3 kids we had together who were pleading with us not to divorce when I was on the brink. I would feel envious of my friends who complained about how their spouses wanted to make love all the time. And then when I was really thinking about leaving, a friend recommended a book, first, https://books.apple.com/us/book/too-good-to-leave-too-bad-to-stay/id357923030, which suggested there was still a glimmer of something left, and then another friend talked us into a last ditch effort, I thought he would say no, but to my surprise, he said yes, to go to a workshop called "Give Yourself to Love" https://loveworkssolution.com/gytl/ by a husband and wife team of amazing relationship coaches. I was a complete skeptic. That cracked something open. For the first time in years there was conversation, intimacy, even if not as deep as I'd wished for, but we revived and brought our marriage to where it was at the beginning. It is possible to revive a dead relationship if there is no animosity and no ill will and some willingness to try to fix things.